Les Miserables Juifs

Scene 1 

NARRATOR

One night, many years ago, in the kingdom of Persia, King Ahasueras was throwing a huge party and having a great time.  

KING (Drunkenly) I know what will really liven this party! Servant, go fetch my wife, Queen Vashti – I want to show off her extraordinary beauty to my guests. 

SERVANT Yes, your majesty. (Runs to fetch Vashti.) (To Vashti) Your highness, the king requests your presence at his party.  

VASHTI I don’t want to go. Tell the king I say “no.” 

SERVANT But, your highness, you cannot say no to the king. 

VASHTI Oh yeah? 

On My Own 

Vashti: 

On my own
Without the king beside me
All alone
I won’t see him this evening
Without him
Life is much better for me
I party with my lady friends
Without the king to bore me
In my room the palace is so peaceful
All his guests aren’t both’ring me at a-all
With my girl squad, the gossip’s neverending
And when I drink I do not think about my shitty husband
And I know it’s not a perm’nent thing
That I’m kidding myself now, ignoring him
And although I know that he is king 
Still I say, there’s no way I’ll come
I hate him
And when the night is over
I might die 
Declining is illegal
Deny him
And he will have me murdered
If I refuse I’ll surely lose
They’ll bring me to the gallows
I hate him
And every day I’m learning
In my life
I never should have been queen
Without me
His kingdom, he’ll keep ruling
A country full of pettiness
From which I’m glad to go
I hate him
I hate him
I hate him
So my reply is “no” 

SERVANT (Goes back to the king.) Your majesty, Queen Vashti says she won’t come. 

KING She what?? Unacceptable! No one refuses the king. Execute her! 

SERVANT As you wish, sire. 

Scene 2 

NARRATOR After the king executed his wife Vashti, he started to feel lonely. 

KING I’m in need of a new wife! Gather all the eligible young ladies in the kingdom. The most beautiful one shall be my new queen! 

SERVANT Yes, your highness, right away. 

Lovely Ladies 

Servant: 

I see women, see ’em in the square
Round ‘em up and bring ‘em in; there’s one right over there
Lovely ladies, one might be the queen
Ahasueras chooses, it don’t matter if they’re keen
That’s the benefit of being king!

Chorus:

Lovely ladies, come and gather round
The king will choose which one of youse he wants to wear the crown
Lovely ladies, which one will it be
Only things that matter are the things the king can see
One young peasant will be royalty!

Servant:

Come here, my dear, well you’re a beautiful sight
A pretty girl

Esther:

Please, sir, I don’t want to go

Servant:

You have to come

Esther:

I do not want to be queen

Servant:

The king’s command. You have no right to say no.
Not up to you

Esther:

It’s so unfair

Servant:

That’s not my fault

Esther:

Please let me go

Servant:

You can’t so no, my dear we all do as we’re told

Chorus:

Lovely ladies, standing in the park
Waiting for his royal majesty to choose his mark
This girl, that girl, any girl that’s here
One of ‘em’s the lucky one, the time is growing near!
Come, now, look, the king’s already here!

King Ahasueras:

What pretty hair, what pretty eyes you got there 
What tits you got, why, you’re the one my dear I’ll take the lot

Esther:

Don’t touch me, leave me alone 

King Ahasueras: 

You have no choice, I’m gonna make you my queen
Just think of that

Esther:

I have no choice 

King Ahasueras: 

Just think of that 

Esther: 

What can I do? I have no choice, perhaps as queen I’ll use my voice… 

Chorus: 

Lovely ladies, up and down the street
Some are disappointed that young Esther’s got ‘em beat
Lovely ladies, you can all go home
Looks like little Esther is the one who’ll take the throne
Lovely ladies now you’re on your own

Mordechai:

Tell me Esther, what went on over there?

Esther:

He’s chosen me, cousin this isn’t fair
I’m not a queen, but it’s what I must do

Mordechai:

Esther my dear, he can’t know you’re a Jew
Esther, cousin, you must keep this secret
Esther, cousin

King Ahasueras

Come on dearie, don’t look so down
You’ll be smiling once you have the crown
You have a chance to be much more than you’ve been
Join me now, rule Persia as my queen
That’s right, dearie, come with me, let’s go
That’s right, dear, and don’t forget you can’t say no

Chorus:

What the king says, that’s what you must do
Hopefully King Ashy doesn’t find out she’s a Jew
Poor girl, rich man, rulers of the land 
See them getting married, now they’re walking hand-in-hand
All it takes is one old king’s command

Servant:

Lovely ladies, well, you never know 
Vashti’s gone, and Esther might be just as quick to go 

Esther: 

King Ahasueras, I’m the one you choose
Why is it you want to have a girl who can’t refuse?
I am queen now, this is now my life
Guess I’ll have to get used to the fact that I’m his wife
Let my people never have to deal with any strife 

Scene 3 

NARRATOR One day not long after his young cousin Esther became the new queen of Persia, Mordechai, the leader of the Jews, was hanging out near the palace when he overheard a conversation between two of the king’s chamberlains. 

CHAMBERLAIN 1 Can you believe this king? He has enough time to check out every single girl in Persia, but he can’t be bothered to give us a measly raise!  

CHAMBERLAIN 2 I’ve had enough of this joker! He acts like he’s so great, but he’s a terrible king. Someone should really do something about him. 

CHAMBERLAIN 1 Someone? Well, hey, why not… us? 

CHAMBERLAIN 1 I’m listening… 

(We’re Gonna Kill the) Master of the House 

Chamberlain 1:

Master of the house, kind and noble king,
And I hear it said he’s good at everything 
Giving to the poor, inspiring the greats 
Always pays his taxes and he’s never late
Everybody’s favorite ruler
Not a power-crazed despot
What a bunch of bullshit 
Moses! What a sorry king we got 

Chamberlain 2: 

Master of the house, isn’t worth my spit
Giving and inspiring and noble shit
Always fair and just – ha, don’t make me laugh
Says he’ll pay us double but he pays us half

Both Chamberlains: 

Everybody bless the ruler
Everybody bless his spouse
Everybody raise a glass
Cuz this night’s gonna be his last
When the morning comes, we’re gonna kill the master of the house! 

MORDECHAI They’re plotting to kill the king. I have to tell someone! 

NARRATOR Mordechai reported the scheming chamberlains to the authorities, and they were put to death. 

(Servant leads the Chamberlains to the gallows, and they are hanged.)

NARRATOR Because of Mordechai’s quick actions, the king was saved. 

Scene 4 

NARRATOR One day, the evil prime minister Haman was parading through the streets. Haman had convinced King Ahasueras to decree that everyone in Persia must bow down to Haman, the king’s second-in-command. 

Bow Down 

Haman:

Bow down, bow down
Don’t look me in the eye 
Bow down, bow down
Decreed from king on high
Now, you there, old man in the street 
You do not bow despite your king’s decree
Tell me what this means

Mordechai:

I will not bow to you 

Haman: 

(Spoken) No!
I command for you to bow down to me
Do as I say

Mordechai:

I bow only to G-d.

Haman:

You’ll bow to me!

Mordechai:

I cannot bow to you
My Jewish faith commands it so
I cannot bow.

Haman:

You will bow to me
It’s time you learn the meaning of the law.

Mordechai:

I know the meaning of the laws of G-d
The holiest law

Haman:

You won’t get away with this
You will regret what you have done
Yes, you are a foolish one.

Mordechai:

My name is Mordechai

Haman:

And I am Haman
Do not forget my name
Do not forget me
Mordechai the Jew
Bow down, bow down
Your people once were slaves
Bow down, bow down
Now you’ll go to your graves 

Scene 5 

NARRATOR After Mordechai refused to bow down, Haman went to the king and told him that the Jews in Persia refuse to abide by the laws of the land. Haman asked the king to issue a royal decree stating that on the 13th day of the month of Adar, all citizens of Persia must rise up and kill all of their Jewish neighbors. The king agreed and issued the decree that very day. When Mordechai heard the decree, he went straight to his cousin Esther, the queen. 

MORDECHAI Dear cousin, have you heard the royal decree? The king has called for the death of all the Jews in Persia. You must do something about this.

ESTHER Me? What can I do?  

MORDECHAI You are the queen! You must talk to King Ahasueras and convince him to retract his decree. 

ESTHER No one is allowed to approach the king without being summoned, not even me. He hasn’t summoned me to his side in almost a month. If I go to him uninvited, I could be put to death. 

MORDECHAI You think that just because you’re the queen, you are safe from this royal decree. The king may not know you’re Jewish, but if you stand by and let your people suffer when you could have done something to stop it, you will never know peace.  

Save the Jews (Bring Him Home) 

Mordechai: 

G-d on high
Hear my prayer
In my need
You have always been there
She is young
She’s afraid
Give her strength
Heaven blessed.
Save the Jews
Save the Jews
Save the Jews. 

ESTHER Okay. I’ll do it. 

Scene 6 

NARRATOR That day, Esther went to the king’s royal chambers without having been invited. She knew that doing this was a crime punishable by death, but she had resolved to risk her life to save her people. And she had a plan. 

HAMAN What’s this? You dare approach the king without being summoned? 

KING It’s okay, Haman. Let her speak. Wife, why have you come? 

ESTHER Your majesty, I have come to invite you and Haman to a feast tonight. 

KING A feast? Very well. Haman and I will be there tonight. 

ESTHER Thank you, my king. You will not regret it. 

(Esther, King, and Haman are eating the feast.)

NARRATOR Later that evening, Haman, Esther, and King Ahasueras were sharing a lavish feast. 

KING This is certainly a delicious feast. Now, Esther. Tell me, why have you invited us to this feast? Is there something you want to ask me? 

ESTHER Actually, there is. I wanted to ask… if your majesty and the honored prime minister Haman would join me at another feast tomorrow night.

KING Another feast? Is that all?

ESTHER Yes, my king.

KING Very well. Haman and I will feast with you again tomorrow. 

HAMAN My queen, it is such an honor to be asked to dine with you and his majesty on two separate nights. 

ESTHER Prime Minister, the honor is all mine. 

(Haman is walking home. Mordechai is nearby.)

NARRATOR As Haman was returning home from his first night of feasting with the king and queen, he again passed Mordechai on the street. 

HAMAN You again! This time, you must bow to me. 

MORDECHAI I’ve told you once before and I will tell you again. I bow only to G-d. I will never bow to you. 

NARRATOR Furious at Mordechai’s repeated disobedience, Haman stormed home in outrage. At home, he discussed his troubles with his wife, Zeresh. 

HAMAN My dear wife, the Jew Mordechai has defied me once again! The king has commanded that all of the people in the land must bow to me, but this Mordechai refuses me again and again. This Jew has me at the end of my rope! 

ZERESH Well then, my dear, why don’t you put that Jew (miming hanging oneself) at the end of a rope? 

At the End of the Day 

Zeresh:

At the end of the day he’ll be nothing but trouble
And we cannot abide disobedient Jews 
While we’re trying to rule the land
He’s the one who is causing a problem
You must deal with him today
Or they’re all gonna think we can’t stop ‘em
And it’s us who’ll have to pay
At the end of the day
We might have known the Jew would fight
We might have known he wouldn’t bow
We might have guessed he’d not obey you
Ah, yes, the chosen child of G-d
Who thinks himself above the law
He’d be the cause I had no doubt 
Of any trouble hereabout
You know those Jews are all the same
He’s not the only one to blame
He’s been laughing at you
While refusing to bow
He’ll be nothing but trouble again and again
You must kill him today
Hang the Jew, he must pay 

HAMAN You’re right! Tomorrow I will ask the king for permission to put the Jew to death. I know he’ll say yes, of course, so I’ll go ahead and tell the servants to set up the gallows tonight. I want to execute Mordechai the instant the king gives the word. 

Scene 7 

NARRATOR Meanwhile that night, the king was alone in the palace. He was so full from the feast that he couldn’t sleep.

KING I can’t sleep. To pass the time, I guess I’ll read through some of these old royal chronicles. (The king starts to flip through them.) Boring, boring, bor– wait a second… This says that some man named Mordechai foiled an insidious plot to have me assassinated by two of my own chamberlains. How come no one told me about this? 

NARRATOR The next morning, the king summoned Haman to his chambers. 

HAMAN Your majesty, I’m so pleased you called for me. There’s something I want to discuss with you. 

KING And I you, Haman. Tell me, Haman, my trusted adviser, my noble prime minister – what would you do if you really wanted to honor a man? I mean, really show everyone how thankful you are for this guy and let the whole world know what a wonderful, deserving, spectacular man he is? 

HAMAN Wow, your majesty. Well, I suppose if he were really as honorable and special a man as you say, you should not spare any expense in celebrating him. Yes, if I were you, and I wanted to reward a great man for his loyal service, I would dress him in the finest clothing, sit him on the finest royal horse, and have a palace servant parade him through the streets of Persia, announcing what a wonderful man he is. 

KING Why Haman, that’s an excellent idea. I want you– 

HAMAN Yes, your majesty? 

KING To do everything you just described for Mordechai, the leader of the Jews. 

HAMAN Excuse me? 

KING Dress him in the finest royal silks and put him on the finest noble steed. In fact, I want you to parade him through the streets yourself, singing his praises just as you described. Who better to trust with this task than you, my loyal adviser. 

HAMAN I, well, I – of – of course, your majesty. Whatever you say. 

Scene 8 

NARRATOR That day, Haman paraded Mordechai on horseback through the streets, just as the king commanded. Later that night, Haman was in an awful mood, but he hid his anger as he joined the king and queen for the trio’s second feast. 

KING Another excellent feast, dear wife. But tell me, why have you invited me to feast with you a second time? Is there something that you seek from me? 

Who Am I? (A Jew) 

Esther: 

(To herself)

They think I’m not a Jew! Without a second glance!
This queen that you have found
This crown could be my chance 
Why should I save their hide? Why should I right this wrong?
When I have come so far
And struggled for so long? 
If I speak, I am condemned…
If I stay silent, I am damned!
I am a ruler of hundreds of subjects
They all look to me
Can I abandon them, how can I live if they are not free?
If I speak, I am condemned…
If I stay silent, I am damned!
Who am I?
Can I condemn these Jews to misery?
Pretend I do not feel their agony
These innocents who share my race
Who go to judgement for their faith
Who am I?
Can I conceal myself for evermore?
Pretend I’m not the Jew I was before? 
And must my crown until I die
Be no more than an alibi?
Must I lie?
How can I ever face my fellow Jews?
But if I speak, will I not face the noose?
My soul belongs to G-d, I know 
I made that promise long ago
I must have hope when hope is gone
I must have strength to journey on!
Who am I?
I am Queen Esther!

(To the king)

And so, my king, I cannot lie,
These Jews bear no more guilt than I!
Who am I?
I’m Queen of The Jewwwwwwwwwwwssssssssss! 

KING My darling, I don’t understand. How can you be a Jew? 

HAMAN You Jewish traitor! How dare you infiltrate this royal palace! 

ESTHER My king, you must understand. I could not tell you the truth about my background until now. But I can no longer be silent. When my cousin Mordechai refused to bow to your prime minister, Haman convinced you to have all of the Jews in Persia murdered as revenge. 

KING Mordechai? The man I just hours ago had paraded through the streets to celebrate his noble deed? The man who saved my life from two treacherous chamberlains? Haman, is this true?

HAMAN Your highness, I can explain– 

KING Enough of your manipulation, Haman. Guards, arrest this man! And send him straight to the gallows! 

NARRATOR Conveniently, Haman had already ordered that the gallows be erected. The instrument of death Haman thought he was constructing for Mordechai, he was indeed preparing for himself. 

I Schemed a Scheme 

Haman: 

I schemed a scheme in times gone by
When hope was high and I had power
I schemed that all the Jews would die
I schemed to murder that non-bower
Then I was bold and unafraid 
And schemes were made and used and wasted
I guess my cards I overplayed
Now I am caught, my death is hasted
And the gallows come tonight 
This is payback for my blunder
As he sends me to my death
As he turns my scheme to shame
He was at point on my side 
I didn’t even have to wonder
He took my plottings in his stride
But he was gone when Esther came
And still I dream he’ll come to me
That we will scheme the years together
But there are schemes that cannot be
And there are crimes we cannot weather
I had a scheme that there would be
Not one Jew left in Persia living
But now I learn a Jew’s the queen
And she has killed the scheme
I schemed

(Haman hangs.) 

Scene 9 

ESTHER My love, you must retract your royal decree ordering the death of all Jews. 

KING Oh, my queen, once a royal decree has been issued, it cannot be undone. Not even by the king himself. 

ESTHER Well there must be something you can do to stop this! 

KING I will issue another decree allowing the Jews to fight back. It is the best I can do. 

ESTHER With G-d on our side, we will not fail. 

Do You Hear the Jews All Sing 

Chorus: 

Do you hear the Jews all sing?
Singing the songs of repressed men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When “Let’s murder all the Jews”
Echoes throughout all these kingdoms
There is a fight about to start
When tomorrow comes!
Will you join in our campaign?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Somewhere beyond the palace wall
Is there a world you long to see?
Then join in the fight
That will give you the right to be free!
Do you hear the Jews all sing?
Singing the songs of repressed men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the Jews decide to fight
We will defeat these royal bums
There is a fight about to start
When tomorrow comes! 

FIN